The Greater Malefic

The post I wrote on the Sun/Saturn cycle (among other things) is by far the most popular click on this blog, so in the name of giving readers what they want, today’s post focuses on another aspect of the absolutely amazing seven-year Saturn cycle. Now, even though Saturn’s passage over my Mars, Sun and Venus created a sense of a ‘new start’ or a ‘new me,’ I was obviously born with Saturn “mid-cycle,” as it were. Indeed, during my early years, Saturn opposed (Step 3 of the cycle) and made ‘the second square’ (Step 4 fof the cycle) to these three planets. I have never really thought about what this half-cycle might have been trying to teach me; all my thoughts about lessons and change have turned around the period from 18-21 (more or less), when I went through the conjunction transits.

Since these things go in groups of seven, I went through the ’second square’ period from March 1992 until March 1994 (when I was 10-12 years old), and Saturn made its first major contact to these aspects from December 1983 to September 1986 (when I was 2-5 years old). These are two periods of HUGE import in my life, but I need to examine them more thoroughly to find out what the developmental connection might be. Going way back to the opposition, I find that the period roughly corresponding to the Mars opposition was a time when I was afraid of everything, especially loud noises (there were days that my parents could barely get me to preschool because of the heavy equipment across the street from the building). I have probably never been more difficult for my parents than I was at that particular time. When we move on to the Saturn/Sun period , we come upon the very momentous moment of my little sister’s birth. The Mars opposition brought my fear of the harshness in the world to light, and the Sun opposition literally provided me with an opportunity to start learning how to interact with other people and developing through other people so that I could face my fears in the world. The Venus period lined up with my starting kindergarten and truly being forced to interact on my own with other people (the Mars troubles raised their head in my early primary schooling; when our gym teacher raised his voice at the class one day, I ran out of the gym–despite being a most obedient child and knowing it was wrong–because I simply could not take it…I also could not barely tolerate being in a noisy classroom).

My ability to resolve these troubles and awkward moments dogged me for years; by the time I arrived at the period of my ’second squares,’ it was still an issue. Many moves during my early life also complicated matters. These ’second squares’ corresponded with my fifth and sixth grade years (changed from elementary to middle school). This was a very sore test of my ability to develop relationships with others that would allow me to face my fears. Fifth grade, which corresponded with the Mars transit, was a complete nightmare. I immediately bonded with my teacher, only to have her change classrooms a few weeks in (I still remember sobbing all the way home on the bus)–this happened right around the time that Saturn squared Mars for the second time.  The rest of the year was painful in terms of interaction with my peers.  Sixth grade and middle school were markedly better.  Indeed, it really does seem like the Saturn/Sun transit turns out to be a very positive time for me, and it is only the dread memories of the Saturn/Mars transit that immediately precedes it that lead me to think that the Saturn/Sun cycle is unpleasant.  During the sixth grade I tried my hand at some clubs and activities, and the mutability of the environment (changing classes, having more choice over who I ate lunch with, etc.) allowed me to settle into my skin a little bit more.  Again, the Venus transit appeared to be more of a set up for dealing with people in a social manner–I changed schools between sixth and seventh grade, which delayed the process of really acquiring a group of at-school friends (I did well at this in eighth, ninth and tenth grade, until we moved again).  However, what could have been an extraordinarily difficult move (moving between the ages of 12 and 13 right in the middle of middle school) was actually very do-able, and I was really able to settle in with a bit of flair and panache–perhaps almost too much!  I will say that this was a very pleasant period in terms of relations with my sister (they went due south a few years later, but are once again good), and that she spent a lot of time with me and my friends.

The overall trend of the half-cycle, if I had to sum it up, seemed to be learning how to a)face the fears of the world, b)recognize that other people could help me–especially my sister, and c)settle into my own skin and not define myself too much through other people.  There wasn’t really a romantic element to the Venus transits, although…although, in late Kindergarten (after the Venus opposition ended) and seventh grade (after the Venus square ended), I did have crushes on two boys that a lot of people–including my own family–teased me about, making me very self-conscious about such things.

What I find interesting is how I’ve changed my methodology for coping with the fear that seems to be the real hallmark of the Saturn/Mars transits. When I was a baby, I screamed. When I was a child, I cried. Now, as a young adult, I cannot sleep, and allow the terrors to play out in various scenarios in my mind.  I also find it interesting that I developed a crush that was a target for humor at the end of my Saturn/Venus conjunction period (makes me wonder what is in store for the last quarter of 2007 and early 2008, as I have my Saturn/Venus square in early October of this year).  However, much like dealing with the Mars challenges, I’ve gotten better.  I never spoke to the boy of my kindergarten dreams; while there was some awkwardness with the seventh-grade boy, we actually emerged as casual friends; and the college boy still drives me crazy, but I still talk to him.  The Saturn/Sun periods are good periods, and I’ve been able to get more out of those good times as I age.

Perhaps the last step isn’t so different from the first step after all…